Jeff Saperstein

Use Your Own Experiences to Avoid Panic and Anxiety

The COVID-19 Virus is now a full-on global Pandemic. No one can predict how many will be infected, but the prospect of millions of victims has changed daily reality for everyone.

We now have terms such as “Social distancing” and “Shelter in place” to describe new rules and routines that have fundamentally disrupted our lives. Extraordinary emergency steps are being replicated everywhere as each day we understand and adapt to what feels like a frightening Tsunami of hidden contagion.

It is normal to experience fear, anxiety and depression during an existential crisis. This is the time when we can call upon our resourcefulness and resilience to get through this together, recognizing that the certainties and sense of control we usually believe we have does not meet the situation challenges.

More than two hundred years ago Rabbi Nachman of Breslov gave a gift of wisdom in a far more precarious world than we inhabit with the admonition, “The world is a narrow bridge and the important thing is not to be afraid.” Our belief in certainty and control of our lives is an illusion we need to maintain our sense of stability and order. However, circumstances and events will erupt to shatter our beliefs and interpretations. When they do, we can adapt and indeed thrive through how we respond. 

One way is to “mine the gold” of our own experiences to face new realities. Rather than draw our conclusions to historic parallels such as the 1919 Spanish Flu, perhaps we can dig deeper into our own lifetimes to discover positive perspective, resilience, and courage to face the uncertainties ahead. 

In addition to the medical advice and commonsense precautions we should follow, here are several things you can do that can help relieve anxiety and help you feel more whole and alive. 

Let me illustrate through my own lived examples so perhaps you can uncover and discover some of your own.

1. Put this crisis in your own personally lived perspective

I moved to San Francisco from New York City in 1978 expecting to live a life of endless sunshine and equanimity compared with the seeming dystopia in NYC at that time. Shortly thereafter, George Moscone, the beloved Mayor and Harvey Milk the first openly Gay public official, were assassinated, and the horrific AIDS epidemic devastated the city, and indeed the whole country, for the next decade. AIDS was an infectious killer that was a death sentence for most victims and whether through sexual intercourse, clinical blood transfusions, or needle applied drug use. It terrorized us all. Everyone knew someone infected by AIDS. The AIDS epidemic decimated the LBGT community and we lost so many. But it also radically changed how many of us came to see those in our community who had been “in the closet” or disdained by the general public. Through the AIDS Quilt Project, the play Angels in America, and many other cultural and community activities, the San Francisco Bay Area became a more accepting and loving place for many who were outside the conventional norm. Don’t get me wrong. There was no “silver lining” to the suffering and death of so many thousands. It was a tragedy. But in the tragedy change emerged that we benefit from today. The AIDS epidemic also provides us with a shared lived experience that puts our current Pandemic in some perspective. 

I also had my own personal lived experience with cancer that brought me renewed focus through adversity. You can see how viewing this video recording of my experience that may help you discover your own focus through your past adversity and to better face whatever comes now. 

2. Be part of the solution

Social isolation can also debilitate us. You can feel more empowered and vibrant through taking social action with others. Clearly, medical workers and emergency responders are on the front line of our community efforts. We owe them great gratitude. If you really try, you too can be part of the solution through your own unique way. My wife, Dr. Ilene Serlin, is a Clinical Psychologist, who conducts a certification program though a Chinese Medical Institute for dance movement therapists in China. Her specialty is treating trauma through the arts and movement. When the COVID-19 virus became known, she sprung into action. Working with her colleagues in China, she recorded this video in our home, shot with a handheld I-Phone by yours truly, to help the overwhelmed Chinese medical workers address their caretaker burnout. This effort is now part of a weekly series she voluntarily conducts with her colleagues that is coordinated through Chinese universities and medical institutions. From our home, using a shared conferencing platform, she can participate as part of the emergent solutions for China and the rest of us. You can also benefit to ease your own anxiety by viewing her video.    

3. Do not amplify fear 

Healthy self-reflection helps us to process our own feelings. We want to voice them with those we love or know. However, there is a fine line between voicing feelings and amplifying fear and anxiety. During the 2008 financial crisis my son was employed in London by a major investment company. Clearly, many employees were going to be laid off.  Each time I spoke with my son I inquired on his status and whether he was going to be retained (he was one of the few who were). After several such conversations my son rebuked me by saying that I was not helping matters by asking. He said if there was a decision, he would let me know in due time. He was right. My fear and anxiety created more hassle for my son. I keep that story in mind when I have worries and concern for loved ones. Sometimes listening more and asking less is a better way to go. 

4. Reach out to loved ones

We can be creative in taking this time for reaching out through online experiences with loved ones. My twelve years old grandson is now home from school. Of course, I am now “sheltering in place” as well. So, we find time to play chess virtually on our phones since we each have some more time. I get to see my younger grandchildren on Facetime and get great joy in playful talk. My children know these generational contacts are precious and strengthen my spirit. Perhaps you can use this time to call friends and family for casual conversation and find ways to enjoy each other.    

5. Find spiritual comfort that is true to you

This can be the time for deepening faith and spiritual growth. For some, meditation, yoga, and nature walks can provide the spiritual nourishment that can help alleviate Catabolic stress that can deplete your energy and immune system. Probably, you will know people who become seriously ill and you will want to provide some comfort to them. Each tradition has prayers and expressions for comfort that can help us meaningfully engage with others. 

We use a prayer in the Jewish tradition called the Mishaberach that may be useful for you. Here is a video of Debbie Friedman, who composed the melody that is used in synagogues worldwide, singing after the tragedy of 9/11.  It brought comfort to many then, and perhaps it can bring comfort for you now: 

Use the time for yourself: How about those photo albums and carousels of slides of you, family and friends; take some joy to review and reflect on lives and people who have loved you. Projects at home that bring comfort can be heartening. Give time to reflection and take this slowing down as a gift for catching up on mining the treasures of your experiences with others.

6. Remember the good people who helped you in crisis 

The 1989 Loma Prieta Earthquake lasted 10 seconds and caused $6 billion damage, 63 killed and almost 3800 injured. The San Francisco Bay Area was disrupted for many weeks as we attempted to put our lives back in order. I was downtown San Francisco at 5:05 PM when it occurred. Simultaneously, all the people exited the buildings and filled the streets with nowhere to go since the bridges were closed and transportation was gridlocked. I recall thousands on Market Street, milling about and all wondering what to do. With electricity out, we were facing what could be great calamity. However, what I remember is the opposite. Bars were open and people were buying drinks and creating a huge block party—San Francisco style. The mobile phones in that era were very large and installed in cars. The mobile phone stores allowed people to make a free call to home. I waited downtown until dark, expecting the electricity to come back so I could retrieve my car from an electric elevator parking lot. I decided against staying in a shelter, so I started by foot across downtown towards the Golden Gate Bridge that was open to traffic. Walking in the moonlight, I saw people who greeted me, and there was calm and community. I saw the lights on the Bridge and hitch-hiked a ride home. Almost every car was stopping to take passengers so we could all be safely transported. While the Earthquake was a trauma, the community experience was what I fondly recall. Good people made the difference. 

7. Live your legacy forward as a gift

Your legacy is lived every day. You cannot know nor control what fate and luck will bring. However, how you choose to live and react will be your enduring legacy for those who know you and with whom you engage. If you can take strength from your lived experiences, you can pay it forward to others, and as Debbie Friedman wrote, “Make your life a blessing.”

With this COVID-19 Pandemic we may now enter a new era that will have unintended consequences. You do not yet know how this will play out, but you can be proactive to make these moments an opportunity to draw strength from your own lived experience with gratitude and grace.  

This article was originally published at YourTango.