Jeff Saperstein

With the easing of restrictions and calls for business professionals to come back to work physically, the prospect of office parties, networking gatherings, and business conferences may add to the anxiety and ambivalence you may already have about social interactions.

Many people hate these mixers as a necessary evil to doing their jobs, but now, since we are in a weird transitional flux, we need all the social interaction we can get.

So rather than looking for excuses to miss the office party, networking event, or conference cocktail hour, here are approaches and ways to turn this around to actually work for you.

Many junior and mid-level professionals may be unaware that these gatherings are as important, if not more so than the business meetings, presentations, and deliverables they so ardently attend to as part of the job. Office gatherings are a way to leverage your work and also practice skill sets that go beyond your daily activities.

You can use these occasions to successfully move your career ahead if you set an intention, act consciously, and allow for improvisation and emergent possibilities. Navigate the occasion, and emerge with an enhanced reputation and personal satisfaction. Your efforts and time can be well invested. As important, avoid self-inflicted wounds that can really hurt your company cred.

Here are several ways to make the office party a real asset in your career toolbox.

Set an intention: Know what you seek to accomplish at the gathering, yet be open to emergent possibilities. Many people mistakenly believe that face time with their boss, boss’ boss or the CEO of the company is the most important metric for how successfully they have maneuvered to move their career ahead. Sorry to say, that is usually not true.

Unless those in top management seek you out and open the conversation with a question or comment, you should avoid what so many of your colleagues will probably do, which is to gaggle around the boss to try to engage and impress him/her.

Guess what? Your boss and top management most likely do not even want to be at this gathering, and many do it as a required obligation, preferring to invest their time with clients, customers, or colleagues who are at their hierarchical level. Unless they have a reason to speak with you, set the intention to be cordial, aware that your behavior is on display. Your attention would be better focused on others who are more significant in your value network of professional collaborators.

So invest your time with your associates in other departments, divisions, or support staff so you can have a leisurely, friendly, and non-task-driven conversation. If you can have two or three of those conversations in the course of the gathering, then you have succeeded in strengthening the bonds with people who will most matter.

If your bosses or management executives are astute, they will observe you in those conversations, and take note that you are a “team builder” rather than a sycophant or grandstander.

When the time comes for your performance evaluation (either formal or informal), how you collaborated with your peers and associates, and what they have said in confidence to your management, can be a career booster and killer. So start depositing relationship capital into your collaboration and good team-builder account by setting your intention to use these occasions to strengthen personal bonds with co-workers. Good relationships are built on simple trust and shared experience, so the conversations you have can enhance that trust.

If for some reason, your client or an important customer is attending the gathering, then use that time to build the cohesion of your team with your client. Inviting your client to talk with one of your associates is a smart way to enhance the reputation of your associates. They will appreciate your consideration to involve them in relationship building.

Act Consciously: The office party is like a giant fishbowl in which everyone is on display, but you are also outside the fishbowl observing others and deciding who you are intending to engage with next. You can move around the gathering, even request time with someone after they are finished with a conversation, so he/she knows you have signaled interest.

A conversation is an art form. You can enhance your skill sets by practicing more listening than speaking, being curious about the other person’s interests and concerns, and affirming you have not only heard what they have to say but expressing how what they have said has impressed or taught you something. Your ability to engage in conversation is a skill set that you can use in office gatherings to practice like a craft.

Allow for emergent possibilities and improvisation: Take the pressure off yourself to perform, and just relax and enjoy the occasion; allow for emergent possibilities.

Listen to conversations to learn something or insight about someone, and then make a comment or ask a question that demonstrates you not only understood but are engaged.

Make eye contact and see whether a friendly face or inviting smile is beckoning for a conversation, and let that person take the lead. If you feel you are ready to move on from a conversation or there is someone else you would like to move on to, then graciously express appreciation for the conversation, and let the person know you are moving on. You just leaving with no closure may be perceived as an insult or dismissive, so be aware of both how you enter and exit a conversation.

You can also request another occasion to continue the conversation; thereby, setting the stage for a deeper professional relationship for mutual interests.

Here are several common mistakes to avoid:

Do not drink or eat excessively: A company gathering is not a happy hour at a bar. While free drinks may seem like a great benefit resist the temptation to indulge in boozing. You run the risk of acting or saying something you might later regret, so just be aware.

While the piles of shrimp and stuffed mushrooms just look too good; do not eat or eat very little. Best not to arrive at the gathering hungry. Eat fruit or a healthy snack before the gathering so you are not famished. Gorging on appetizers as if it is dinner will not score points, so resist temptation.

Do not complain or gossip: Adopt a cheerful and positive persona.  If you hear someone complaining, then excuse yourself and walk away. Do not be a “disruptor” creating dissent and fostering dissatisfaction. Be an “enhancer” and find ways to compliment and express gratitude to people and for circumstances so you can be perceived as both a team player and a leader.

Do not become a gossip item through sexually inappropriate behavior: Sexual energy is part of the workplace since people are in such close contact. Men: be careful what you say or imply. What you might believe is a witty or fun attitude and behavior may be perceived as harassment.

Be cognizant that something that you say or do could haunt you later, so take extra care about your talk and behavior.

Do not self-aggrandize: Do not lead the conversation with your accomplishments, awards, or recognition. Most people prefer that you first compliment them on their achievements. If someone is promoted, gets a new assignment, or has a new area of professional interest, make a point to recognize and congratulate him/her and then ask about what he/she will be doing. Be curious.

Be generative, not mechanistic is your conversation: If you ask everyone the same questions or run through a prepared mental script, you will come off as “mechanistic” like a contrived robot. Be “generative” not mechanistic in your conversation, which means allow the conversation to emerge based on what the other person has said and then actively listen so you comprehend content, emotion, and intuitive understanding of the meaning the other person is conveying. People want to know that you “get them” and if you can show genuine empathy and understanding you will be appreciated.

These are all strategies you can employ to develop your own style and ways to make the most of gathering occasions. Becoming a good conversationalist and enjoying meeting people can be a life-long joy. Building your relationship capital is one of the mainstays to a successful career.